From Quicksand to Peace
By Maureen B., Massachusetts
Many years ago, I heard in a meeting, “You don’t have to go to every fight you’re invited to.” As a visual person, I always pictured a fancy invitation offered to me on a silver platter. Some days, I decline gracefully; other days, I scoop it up and react without thinking.
Recently, when I was thinking about and praying for assistance from my Higher Power not to react or respond, a different visual came to mind. It was the image of quicksand. After my husband says something that triggers me, I see a patch of quicksand appear in front of me. Just as with the invitation, I have the choice to walk around the quicksand or jump in. This time, I chose to jump in. The more I talked, explained, defended, or refuted, the deeper I sank into the quicksand. No matter how hard I tried, I could not free myself and get out. Before I knew it, the conversation’s focus and the point I was trying to make were completely lost. I, too, was completely lost, swallowed by the quicksand. Meanwhile, my husband just carried on with his day.
Today, when I struggle to not react, I try to keep the image of quicksand in mind along with the choice of whether to jump in. The greatest challenge is pausing for five seconds to think before I speak. Something inside of me urges me to rush in because I just need to defend myself, make my point, clarify something, or set the record straight. In other words, I either need to be heard or be right. But “How Important Is It?”
With my Higher Power’s help, I hope and pray that I can choose serenity, avoid the quicksand, stay quiet, and move on with my day in peace.
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.